Building & Keeping Your Self-Esteem

Find the brightest light in the darkest of days

and pay close attention to its intensity.

-Jenece Austin

We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.

Don’t complain just work harder.
– Randy Pausch

In the late 1960’s a young exponent psychology professor from California named Stanley CooperSmith along with some other influential figures started the self-esteem movement.

"Self-esteem is a set of attitudes and beliefs that a person brings with him - or herself when facing the world. It includes beliefs as to whether he or she can expect success or failure, how much effort should be put forth, whether failure at a task will “hurt,” and whether he or she will become more capable as a result of different experiences. In psychological terms, self-esteem provides a mental set that prepares the person to respond according to expectations of success, acceptance, and personal strength.” --Stanley Coopersmith, Coopersmith Self-Esteem Inventories Manual

In an old post called Believing in the Goodness of Mankind I stated, “After all believing in someone is half the battle - meaning to help build ones self esteem.” Why can’t we treat other adults around us like we do our children: like their intelligent, beautiful human beings - from a humble loving perspective? This would be a “Perfect” world!

I had lunch with a girlfriend last week and our topic of discussion was about how people view life: the glass half empty or the glass half full. I dedicate this blog to her…she knows who she is. I love you and I believe in your talents and your abilities to achieve great things; no matter what the circumstances may be. I view you through “rose-colored glasses.” Taking an evaluation of the type of “Company You Keep” and knowing how to handle and capitalize in and on good situations is an important part but not a defining aspect of building your self-esteem.

They Say Perspective is Reality

When I was working I had a boss that taught me this concept. He was extremely intelligent and knew how to build one’s self-esteem. I thank God everyday I had him as a boss. I worked for him ten years till I couldn’t work anymore because of my illness. He didn’t teach me this concept forthright; it was taught from how he handled situations with me. He had a rough road with me on days because of my illness and some days I would doubt my abilities because I knew I was declining but he didn’t seem to falter, of course everyone has their bad days – we would get into our little spats and disagreements too. I would definitely voice my opinion - not always right but I did it anyway and he seemed to listen. When I would bring-up subjects like: people stereotyping me, or feeling inferior towards others - he continually reassured me of my abilities and qualifications by reminding me of the confidence the scientist and doctors had in me for example: their questions they would ask me – they wouldn’t ask if they didn’t value my opinion and reassuring me I wouldn’t make the money I made if I wasn’t worthy. It was a very smart concept because it worked – believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself. I realize that some people are not as fortunate as I was: they get these bosses that degrade and insult, taking advantage of the weak little piggy - being the “Big Bad Wolf” and not being the “Real Leader” they need to be - helping people through a difficult situation because they believe they are superior when in essence they have a very “Low Emotional IQ.” Your boss isn’t the only one that may treat you inferior: friends and family members can treat you this way too. These types of influences in your life can destroy your self-esteem. Because perspective, even if it’s not ALWAYS reality…can become reality quickly – a direct result of how a person is treated!

Changing the Company You Keep - So Perspective Doesn’t Become Reality

After doing your own “Self Inventory” which is a subject I discussed in an older post as well: Making sure you’re in check – and on the right path to success, by possessing and building all the positive elements you need to get through a tough storm or situation and you know without a doubt it’s not you, then you must purge or cut the line with people who are blowing your self-esteem down. Now your approach on purging or cutting that line is your own particular solution, I don’t know how to tell you to do this…that’s a personal choice. Of course there are several approaches you could use: trimming, ignoring or just cutting it off totally etc...

Catching a Shooting Star

At the end of the day, you have to grab onto people that are getting the job done…it’s like catching a shooting star – you catch onto that star so that you can soar with them. Pay close attention to their reactions and how they handle situations and life – recognizing what you are doing wrong in comparison and how you can fix your problems so that you can become a “Shiny Star” too. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, even if it means putting your self-esteem on the line momentarily!

Don’t Leave Your Self-Esteem in the Mouth of “The Big, Bad Wolf”

It’s great to have people and friends build you up and help with your self-esteem but ultimately you’re responsible for defining who you are. You have to build up your own self-esteem so that no one can blow it down. Setting up and meeting goals on a daily basis is important in the realization of your achievements and worthiness. Start off by setting up small goals and then gradually raise the expectations as you consistently meet them. For example, and for me personally, it has been a problem because of my struggles with Behcets. I started this blog for my family and for myself; I make it one of my goals to write a post every week. Due to my illness, my handwriting has only become worse and it hurts to write, a hand written journal is not feasible for me, typing one post and posting my photography each week is a good goal for me to meet in helping me to keep my self-esteem while leaving a legacy for my family at the same time.

When my daughter, Brittnee, was a toddler one of my favorite primary stories I use to read to her all the time and explain the significant lesson to learn was the “Three Pigs and The Big, Bad Wolf.”

hello

All three of these pigs used a different approach on how they built their home, and of course the easiest way out never stands – The Big, Bad Wolf always comes around and blows it down. If we invest time and effort into whom we are; The Big Bad Wolf can come as often and blow as hard as he wants but you will still be standing!

Now Playing – Who’s Afraid of The Big, Bad Wolf

Now Playing - Bad Company – To My Friend...Don't You Know that you are a Shooting Star

Can't Walk

I could use a Hot Spring today!

I’m in trouble today. I can’t walk. My knees hurt so bad; it took me 15 minutes to get down my stairs. This is when I wished I lived in a one story home. My plans were to go see a movie today called “Women” with my gal friend and I had to call it off. I’m calling my doctor at 8AM to see if I can get in to get a steroid shot and back on my steroids. I hate it. I don’t like taking these damn pills. I lose 12 pounds then gain it all back when I get on these little suckers but I guess the benefit of being able to walk now out weights looking pretty.


Nothing great is ever achieved without much enduring.
St. Catherine of Siena quotes

Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory.
William Barclay

How Ideas are Formed

A couple of months ago, I was going through a new treatment for my illness and was extremely exhausted and weak. My mom knows how much I love magazines, so she brought me about 100 magazines. It was a very funny, over the top statement: it cracked me up when she walked in with an arm full of magazines. Mom took interior design in college and her and my father owned a furniture store when they were married. It’s almost her hobby (expensive), she lives and breathes furniture and decorating “Little Ms. Furniture Aficionado.”

So, we spent the day at the “Magazine Spa!” We had fun both of us in silence saying nothing to each other but reading magazines and showing each other the treasures we found: recipes, articles on health and fitness, she pointed out the fact she bought a particular type of magazine called “More… fabulous over 40”…Not there yet mother! Of course I always enjoy reading the articles and getting new recipes and ideas, but the inadvertent finding which transpired was the best. I ran across this interesting design in the Homes and Garden Magazine that prompted a new task for our household: A photo of a fireplace mantle hanging above a bed (using it like a headboard or wall art). Popping quickly into my head…I have a fireplace mantle in my closet; from the mantle that was in our living room prior to the Austin Stone application!

Brittnee (Bree), our daughter, had been asking for a "New room makeover" for about a year now which I have avoided granting her because her room is in “Texas Tech” theme and I admire and want to hold onto the goal and spirit she has for wanting to attend that college upon graduation. Also the Ericksen’s, some good friends, and the husband’s a fan of Texas Tech, have given her things that are worth quite a bit of money and I felt she should stick with that design for a while. Of course one of the things I both love and hate about my daughter is: she has an argument for everything “I can put the fat-head in my closet or the game-room upstairs.” Pretty good argument!

When I ran across this design, I liked it and thought that we could really embellish the look to create a real modern design which is what Bree was looking for. So, I immediately showed her the picture; not sure how she would react since the mantle was more traditional in the magazine and at this age they are incredibly picky and Bree can be quite precocious when it comes to her independence. She doesn’t want me to have any ideas for her sense of style…or anything to “cramp her style” for that matter. She feels she is very capable of making decisions. Much to my surprise she was ecstatic, (with a few requested ideas of her own), over this new look when I explained to her what we could do with the look she loved it! WOW! She was able to envision the mantle with a different look….guess she is a lot like me after all: argumentative, persuasive and creative…sounds like a good recipe or creation for an “Ambulance Chaser!” She has her great grandfather’s gift, on my mother’s side, Judge Homer Hall.


Design on a Dime (Under $500)

Bree’s b-day is next month and my mom is always trying to figure out what to buy her and she decided to help me buy half of what I spent on her room and helped me put this all together since part of this was caused from the “Magazine Spa Day.” My mother is as strong as an ox. She is 61 years old and you wouldn’t believe the crap she can do. It’s quite embarrassing that your own mother can outwork you. She hung the curtains, helped hang the mantle and Mike painted the room and moved out all the furniture from the guest bedroom (Bree is now in the guest bedroom which made perfect sense because it basically has new carpet). So I was the foreman on the job…poor mom and Mike! Please forgive me for my bossiness and impatience. I love you guys. Thanks for all your help!

Introducing... Our Innovative Results

The Mantle. We hung it a little higher for safety purposes.

The Whole Room...Love the consistent lines.

We plan on getting her a chest or something

to put at the foot of the bed to sit on.

Pirate's of PK

Hell's Gate By Rhonda Ericksen:

I thought I would share some photo's that Rhonda has taken over the years at Possium Kingdom (PK). Our family has been going out to PK for close to a decade and a half, she has many more photo's of sunsets -she needs to make a blog of sunsets. I dedicate this blog to the Ericksen's & the Hayley's.

The Pirate's of Pk

We’ve come to steal back our souls from “Hell’s Gate,” floating on our boats with no fear after a long eight years. Drinking our bloody mary’s and six-pack of beers. Cheering and hollering as the night closes in. With the beer and wind blowing our freedom and flags in mid-wind; higher than hell making our wake, open up “Hell’s Gate,” so Bryan and Rita can blow kisses of sin while the Rain Man’s playing tunes of “Pissin in the Wind.”

Watch out on deck - Mike and Bryan’s throwing swords and swearing at each end. Walking the plank and never wanting the night to end. Rhonda and Jenece bearing their ends and jumping in. Freeing the souls of six Pirate’s of “Hell’s Gate.” Our freedom is won through the water and wind.

-Jenece Austin

I wrote this poem 5 years ago.

Remembering 911

Old Battleship on the Mississippi River

I took this photo while riding in the car…it’s amazing what you can capture while riding in the car. I would love to actually visit this battleship and I love the American Flags blowing steadily and consistently through the wind. Consistency is important in any type of battle.

This blog is dedicated to those that lost their lives in 911 and to the troops and their loved ones who are still fighting. My prayers and thoughts are with you this day and forever. Go America!

Quotes:

The Repulican Perspective:

The art of war is simple enough. Find out where your enemy is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving. Ulysses S Grant

It is fatal to enter any war without the will to win it. General Douglas MacArthur

The Democratic Perspective:

All they that take the sword, shall perish with the sword. The Bible..Matthew

War does not determine who is right - only who is left. Bertrand Russell

I happen to agree with all of these quotes.

Dear Parents,

Now Playing - Lions for Lambs

In remembrance and to educate our daughter Brittnee, each year when this week rolls around we try to watch a 911 movie. Last year we watched the The World Trade Center and the Year Before that we watched Flight 93 .

Ready, Set...Bon Voyage!

I took this photo in New Orleans...Action!

Ready, Set and Go, sounds so primary but sometimes when we go back and apply the basics to our lives it can be very rewarding.

Just think democracy started in September 1620 on a boat called the Mayflower. It stared when Pilgrims had a problem with church and state and they took off on the voyager for the new world. The voting system started with 45 men because they wanted a different way of life. It worked because we now have our electoral voting system.

Believing in something means more than just believing in it! It means taking a stand and being methodological and creative in order to set a course of action.

Most of us just believe things should be a particular way or believe in a purpose but don’t know how to get them to manifest or sail.

The methods we could take are quite simple. We use them in our everyday life but forget to apply them when we are in trouble with our lives or things aren’t working out quite like we planned.

Methodological Steps

For example, when going out to fish we methodological set or plan our course of action by getting all of our supplies needed based on circumstances:

• Equipment: rod, bait or lure, boat or ice hut, knives, ice augers, portable ice chest and clothing depending on where and the type of fishing etc…
• Choosing location, location, location
• Fishing License
• And last but not least, food and water to keep your strength up.
  

Creative Steps

The trouble starts when you have taken the time to gather all of the needed equipment, researched the proper bait, location and time to fish….and still nothing happens!

This can be an extremely frustrating process in our life. But as I have said before in my old post it’s important to apply emotional intelligence through the doldrums of your life. Then if there is still no action you must get more creative.

You must change your course or approach! Beginning with the simplest form, for example when fishing just cut the damn line and rebait periodically till you find the magic bait.

In my particular case when trying to get diagnosed, I made some mistakes with the approach of telling my symptoms to the doctors. I kept telling them I hurt all over….this was the wrong approach with doctors because it was non-specific. I then became more specific and left out the fact that I had all over body pain and focused on what hurt the worst on my body at the time and it was my shins. Once I did that the rheumatologist commence to question whether I had some type of viral or cardiovascular problem....instead of depression or Fibromyalgia.

If one approach isn’t working for you in your life cut the line and try a different gadget, tool, location, theory etc...!

Suit the action to the word, the word to the action.
William Shakespeare

Everyone needs to be valued. Everyone has the potential to give something back.
Princess Diana

Now Playing - Styx - Come Sail Away Pirate's of the Caribbean

Personal Inventory

Myrtle Beach, S.C.

It’s interesting how we constantly judge and gauge others yet forget to take our own personal inventory!

Do you feel that you are; street smart, book smart or have common sense? Most people would answer yes to at least one of these. If you have at least two out of the three and still aren’t successful in life, then you should be asking yourself why?

Sometimes we may be very intelligent human beings or have lots of common sense, but a major flaw can destroy all of it. Flaws such as low emotional intelligence, self esteem, arrogance, obsessive controlling or compulsive disorder (OCD), etc. can discredit you and diminish your relationship with others. These flaws can totally discredit and serve as an injustice to your intelligence, therefore preventing you from excelling in several facets of life.

Struggling with a chronic-illness is one major variable that can cause lots of flaws and destroy ones self esteem, ability to deal with stress and process information, therefore inhibiting your ability to communicate to others successfully.

So how or can we rise above this problem without being viewed as inept or self destructing?

From my own experience, I know there are important emotional steps that I must practice. Steps such as: tolerance, patience, forgiveness, perseverance, self-awareness and confidence.

These emotional actions seem simple but when you put them to practice you will find it’s not all that easy. Not easy but you must continually persevere and practice them in order to rise above. I have wiped out several times but I continue to pull myself back-up and try again.

Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength.
- Henry Ward Beecher

A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory.
- Arthur Golden

Now Playing Ventures - Wipe-out