I got Treated and Tricked Today!

My Treat...ment

I had to get my 8-hour Rituxan treatment today...it was rough sitting in that terrible chair..after about 3 hours into the treatment my legs started aching all over then I started having right sided flank pain and all over body pain and now I'm exhausted and weak (it's like the treatment puts the disease in reverse!). I go back in two weeks to get another...I'm hoping this will put this disease into remission!

My Trick... was a real TREAT!

I had a nice surprise, most of you know I love Bottle Caps..by Willie Wonka! While I was getting my treatment today, I had live entertainment...one of the nurses and doctors dressed up as Willie Wonka and the other one as an umpa and they did a live performance and passed out my bottle caps! It was a wonderful surprise for Halloween! They danced and everything...it was too adorable!


Happy Halloween!

Titter-tottering

• Hope is the medicine that prevents heart-sickness and the tree that produces life. There is no tonic as potent as the hope that tomorrow will be better; and there is no tree as fruitful as good things desired and expected.

• It gives hope to realize that your difficulties are only the common lot of man; other’s have them, too, and they persevere – so can you!

– Leroy Brownlow, Making The Most of Life

The early a.m. alarm consistently rings, growing intensely louder and louder as my ears hear - my fatigued painfully ill body remains with no reflexes - my shins throbbing and burning with such intense pressure - fearing the potential damage it could do to my soft skin. It’s as if I hadn’t slept for an eminently long decade, eyes are so tightly shut. My hands stiff and ache profoundly feeling the sting through my dainty nail bed. I hold off on moving because the reality in the great efforts lie ahead of the day decreases my pulse. Gingerly I pull back the covers from my head; my arms feeling as though I had been relentlessly lifting 400 pounds for a week; the bending of my elbow’s cry-out, “I’m being pulled apart at the socket.” The sound of the shower being turned on by my daugther in the room next door echoes through my thoughts - I know she needs a well-balanced breakfast and an education, therefore the pain looses the titter and the love of life shifts my body propellently north.

-Jenece Austin

I'm So Unthoughtful!

Shame on me, I forgot to send out a shout-out to my mother-in-law today! It's her B-day..Happy B-day and thanks for doing all that you do for us...we are thinking of you and we love you!!

We celebrated 4 people's Birthday on Sunday at my house; Brittnee, my mother-in-law, Mike's aunt and little John (Mike's sister's fiancee's boy). I'm still trying to recover, so I'm a little slow right now.

Socialism

On a cold Winter’s day, my 61 year old mom and I came to a stop light on a busy street corner, a man wrapped in a thin blanket holding out an empty Folgers can with holey gloves waiting anxiously - his eyes and face daunted by a far from lavished life style reaches out, for all we know - one more time, after a month of begging, to get the very basics; a clean shave, bath and some food – as my mother gladly reaches into her already limited pocket-book, to pull out her last five dollar bill, I question her intent.

My mother doesn’t make a $50,000 dollar a year salary she is considered a low income leveled earner and she works very hard for her money…but when I questioned why she felt she should give him money her "S" answers were short, simple and sweet!

Short

My mother has a warm roof over her head, food in her mouth, health insurance, a family that loves her and a job to go to daily...it was very apparent this man had absolutely nothing! She didn’t know what condition his health or life had been in to get him to this desperately needy point …he could have been ones next door neighbor, someone’s father or son…he could have been God’s son! It wasn’t her job to judge him, or figure out the specifics on what he was going to do with that money, only to love and try to help him!

Simply

Some of us in the US, particularly those that are in the lime light, make billions of dollars sending their money to other countries, giving their donations to big named charities in order to gain more lime light! In essence these individuals are beggars too! Instead of asking for money directly, their asking for it indirectly through marketing….and we contribute and give to them all the time via buying their music, watching their movies etc… It’s called a Head Fake - Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture! Their making more money by giving money and receiving the blown-up publicty that goes along with that! This is exploitation too, just in a different form.

The reason we don’t complain is simply because everyone receives instant gratification by gaining something versus the unilateral gain.

Sweet

I know there is nothing sweet about paying taxes because we feel we're giving our money to the government to do what they feel fit..in some respects this is communistic too. But we are giving it back to the US and this is how we should view it!

So why, when our government talks about raising taxes in order to distribute more money amongst the poor, do we complain? In the grand scheme the increase would only be that last $5.00 bill my mother so sweetly gave to that homeless man. Hypothetically and relatively if everyone had to pay an extra $5.00 dollars more a year on their taxes, this could ultimately create new health care plans for those that may not have one. The long-term gain would be some homeless people or people that are barley making it could get health care and maybe a small percentage of them would be able to flourish gradually and broadly increase the strength of the US preventing the small business owner from closing due to a slowed economy.

I understand the control concern…not knowing what our government is doing with our money but should we be judging or using my mother’s sweet approach and just contributing gratefully?

Lets face it...life isn't free! Nothing is ever free that's worth living or worth fighting for but we continually live it with our innately God given faithfulness, so why not use the same approach with a new system? Our old one isn't working, we are in so much trouble with our economy that we must reinvent! I don't like the fact that the government had to bail-out our banks ...but I really don't like the idea of having to beg for food and shelter on the side of the road. So, we have to be open-minded. Americans are smart and resilient we will be a much stronger country after this learning experience but we have to come up with an amicable solution for everyone and I know that we will prevail but not without sweet change!

Happy 14th Bree

It's hard to believe a decade ago you were just a toddler sneaking away to suck your thumb, still wanting mommy to hold you, doing your hair, dressing you and now you're all grown-up!

14 years old today, 4 years away from fulfilling your 5 year dream of attending Texas Tech ! I'm so excited for you and very proud at who you're becoming. Keep up the great work!

Happy B-day!

Love,

Mommy

The Gambling Parent

My daughter turns 14 on the 18th of this month and we are driving my husband crazy with our fighting, I honestly don’t know how I’m going to survive the teenage years with her (I Love you Bree)! But it’s time to re-shuffle the deck of cards a bit and start playing with a fresh hand!

A Prayer to My Late Father

“Yes dad, I’m hearing you from above I know I was the same exact way, and I’m so, so sorry but there has to be some relief to this madness, every generation is suppose to be an improvement from the previous, therefore I have my work cut-out 10-fold but I’m loosing inspiration of how to improve and the leverage of my control is in question. I need help, some sort of divine intervention, before I need intervening. I’m running out of aces! If we could just sit down and share one last taste of your whiskey, I promise I wouldn’t turn-up my face or my thoughts to your strong whiskey or the sound of your stout advice.”

Different Types of Parents

I’m constantly pointing out why she should do things a particular way and what could happen if she doesn’t do it the right way (in her juvenile opinion, I’m being a “Helicopter Mom.”)

I need to keep my mouth shut (“Lose Lips Sink Ships”) and let her wreck a couple of times…then maybe she will understand. I should get out of the seat for a little while and let her drive…she may hit a couple of things, as long as she doesn’t kill someone or herself in the process she will survive. Maybe she will learn from her experiences - what a hard way to learn - guess the harder the lesson, the more valuable it is!

Everyone has different perspectives and styles on parenting; lecturing, spanking, screaming, grounding etc. My parenting style is “Lecturer,” I explain to her what could happen (the good and the bad) if she makes particular choices in life. If I eliminate that approach, where does that leave me in the role of parenting? I don’t scream, that only leaves me with a headache & eye-rolling, hitting is not an option it’s just abuse causing problems that surface later in life teaching your child you’re ill-equipped in the communication department and setting an example of the type of communicator they may become as an adult is in my opinion an uneducated approach at discipling, so what do I do…lock her up for the next 5 years?

The reason I’m writing this is because she told me I was like Bree Van De Campe from Desperate Housewives (total “Helicopter Mom”)…this hurt my feelings bad (I know this statement is quite funny to others, but it’s very serious to me)! I don’t view myself like that at all. I don’t want to drive my daughter away and make her do things she wouldn’t typically do, like that crazy OCD woman does with her kids. My first reaction here is to take away her privilege of watching that movie! HaHa!! But it’s just like treating an illness…if you don’t treat the underlying condition, the symptoms will still surface and If I’m part of the symptom then I need to fix my problems as well.

How to Play the Game

You know what I think; I think parenting is like gambling, you don’t know if the hand you’re playing is going to beat out the hand your child is playing and you can never discount or predict the third party involvement (the “Company they Keep,” aka - the dealer). So how do you know when to hold’em or when to fold’em? I don’t know, but I think I’m folding my cards for a while to see what happens!

Now Playing Bree with Desperate House Wives

Now Playing The Gambler Kenny Rogers

God Bless Folk's Passionate Stockings and Tears

Although my Romeo-Romo lost in every sense of the word, last night's game was a real memorable, emotionally draining, roller-coaster-riding event. It had me crying, screaming, cursing and praying! My favorite part was the field goal kick Folk made sending our Boys into overtime!

For those that didn't get the pleasure and or pain of watching it..Folk made a 52 yard field goal kick and the emotions he showed pre and post were touching.

Pre Field Goal

Folk grabs his stockings (socks) precisely pulling them-up - making sure there were no impending wrinkles to prevent him from kicking the full 52 yards...I loved it. He passionately rolled-up his socks to go to work!

Post Field Goal

After kicking and barley clearing the upright - you could see tears coming from his eyes, as he wiped them from his face! It was great! I thought he and his stockings were going to be the catalyst that helped generate a labored win ...I believe he thought that too....at least they gave us hope!

The End

Then we fumble the ball AGAIN, Arizona capitalizes and runs it in for a NO-BRAINER touchdown causing the Boys to lose in overtime and putting my Romeo out with a broke finger for a couple of weeks.

Nice try and great kick No. 6!

Never A Dull Moment With Behcets

I've been posting this week on the effects Behcet's has on me because I've had a very hard month and since these post are ultimately for my daughter, Brittnee, I feel it's very vital for me to share details. I hope people aren't put-off by this. With life you must know the good, bad and the ugly...it's reality! 

Keeping a medical diary is important when you struggle with a chronic illness..if you're not doing that you might want to start. In fact, if you're having medical problems and haven't been diagnosed yet; you may want to start your own "Medical Blog" for your doctor or doctors and give them your blog link. It's a wonderful tool to help with the process of your diagnosis.

The Good

I know I promised  a 5th generation recipe this week, I promise I plan on sharing that with you today. But first I want to finish filling you in on what happened to me this week with my health.

The Bad

You all know that a couple of weeks ago, I started off with being unable to walk down my stairs one morning and had to go get steroid shots. Then the following couple of days my legs started having bad pains and muscle spasms, followed by severe bruising, ulcers on the shins and mouth and now .....

The Ugly

On Friday, I had to go shopping for baby shower gifts and a gift for another couple that just had a baby. When I was out shopping, the items I was holding felt like I was carrying 400 lbs. The items were clothes...they shouldn't have felt that way at all... but they did. I then became exhausted and very, very confused. Unable to make a decision about what to buy...I now realize why last year when I went Christmas shopping I had such a difficult time trying to buy for people because I was more sick last year than this year with the neurological aspect of Behcets. I knew I had to get home right away, so I stopped shopping and just bought what I had in my hand that very moment, so I could get home and lie down. I went to sleep and slept till I had to get Brittnee at 4, so I slept 3 hours and it still wasn't enough. When I woke up my arms hurt so bad, they felt much like my shins did...pain, heaviness and I won't post another photo, but I have bruising on my left arm. This wasn't the worst of the day. 

On Fridays Brittnee usually goes out with her gal pals and I drive them but I couldn't because it hurt to lift my arms, Mike had to take them and while he was out he picked us up Taco Bell to eat (I hate to admit I eat there...especially now). When he brought it home, I was still lying down on the sofa... trying to feel better.  I felt so weak, I couldn't pick myself up off the sofa to go into the kitchen to eat. So, he brought me the food in the living room and I set up to eat. I was eating  a  tastado when the ugly reached out to choke me. The chip from the tastado became lodged in my windpipe halfway down (the muscles in my throat stopped working too???). It was the most painful scariest feeling I have ever gone through. I have fainted several times with this disease but I have no recall of the experiences so I don't fear that but now I'm afraid of eating. I waited about 3 minutes and the chip wasn't going anywhere. All I could think about was it turning and becoming lodged where I had no air or cutting my throat and bleeding to death. I told Mike to call 911 and he was a bit panicked, but then he quickly popped into rare mode and said "Jenece, I can get you to the ER much faster than the ambulance can get here. Lets get in the truck and I will drive you to the hospital that's only ten minutes away."  Of course, I wasn't sure if this was a wise idea because I knew what could happen and that feeling of something being stuck in your windpipe is not very pleasant. I thought I was going to die or I was going to have to undergo a major surgery...which I'm sure they could have given me something that would have dissolved it, but when your in distress mode you don't think clearly. I had no idea what was going to happen to me but I sure didn't fancy (I know I'm not British but I'm using the word as an opposition to the ugliness I was experiencing) the idea that "Taco Bell" had  full control of my life!

Upon arrival at the ER, the chip finally passed...it was stuck 10 to 15 minutes too long! Thank GOD! I cried for 30 minutes...I guess the fear and the relief that I was going to make it through this ordeal overcome me and I lost it, crying...I think that probably scared Mike more than the whole "Ugly Taco Bell"  incident did. 

I love little dogs, but I will no longer admire that cute little TACO BELL DOG again! 

I have e-mailed my doctor to tell him what happened and he suggested I go see the neurologist immediately...  so I'm off to my next big lesson and adventure in learning all these big named doctors and how they treat people; neurologist, urologist, nephrologist...etc.

Sores On My Legs - "Surface Symptoms"

This Is What My Shin Looks Like (The Skin of Behcets)

hohoh

This morning I have a sore on my shin that is much like the sores I get in my mouth. The sores on the skin are always different in appearance and you get different types. But you get the general idea.

jkpojpoijpo

This photo is zoomed in so the scale of the sore is different.

Oral Ulcers "Surface Symptoms"

I Have Oral Ulcers Right Now

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I know this is really unpleasant looking, but I want people to know what Behcets does. I cannot imagine what I would feel like if I wasn't receiving any type of treatments (my tongue is typically covered...."geographical tongue"). Fortunately, the oral outbreak is on my tongue and not my gums....when it's around my teeth it's very difficult to eat.

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I wished I had some Aphthasol!

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I'm waiting for my doctor to e-mail me back so I can go in and get an early treatment...here we go again!

Bree Receives Her First Scholarship Letter In the 8th Grade!

As parents we invest time and money educating our children trying to inforce academia: reading to them when their young, helping them with their homework, paying for tutoring or self improvement classes - pagents...etc and constantly lecturing them about the importance of college. Unfortunately, some parents never get to see the fruits of their labor, and I hope we won't be one of them.

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I hope for the best ...clear skys but I know that we will have storms, just as long as the intensity and duration doesn't kill what we have planted. We recieved a sprout on our little "Academia Tree" in the mail yesterday! We are all so excited for Brittnee! Bree received an invitation to interview (hopefully she can apply what she has learned from the pagent world..I'm sure she will have no problem with this) for a scholarship fund..due to her test scores...she has commended every year.

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You go girl, we love you and we're extremely proud of your accomplishments!

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I'm really shaking in my boots now, she has already made a goal for herself; she plans on taking full AP classes her freshmen year and through-out high school.. to finish her education a year early so she can go off to Europe for a while and learn a different culutre. This is something I really didn't want...I want her home as long as possible, but what do you do?

I need to win the lottery but if she gets a scholarship this will really help us!!!!