Building & Keeping Your Self-Esteem

Find the brightest light in the darkest of days

and pay close attention to its intensity.

-Jenece Austin

We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.

Don’t complain just work harder.
– Randy Pausch

In the late 1960’s a young exponent psychology professor from California named Stanley CooperSmith along with some other influential figures started the self-esteem movement.

"Self-esteem is a set of attitudes and beliefs that a person brings with him - or herself when facing the world. It includes beliefs as to whether he or she can expect success or failure, how much effort should be put forth, whether failure at a task will “hurt,” and whether he or she will become more capable as a result of different experiences. In psychological terms, self-esteem provides a mental set that prepares the person to respond according to expectations of success, acceptance, and personal strength.” --Stanley Coopersmith, Coopersmith Self-Esteem Inventories Manual

In an old post called Believing in the Goodness of Mankind I stated, “After all believing in someone is half the battle - meaning to help build ones self esteem.” Why can’t we treat other adults around us like we do our children: like their intelligent, beautiful human beings - from a humble loving perspective? This would be a “Perfect” world!

I had lunch with a girlfriend last week and our topic of discussion was about how people view life: the glass half empty or the glass half full. I dedicate this blog to her…she knows who she is. I love you and I believe in your talents and your abilities to achieve great things; no matter what the circumstances may be. I view you through “rose-colored glasses.” Taking an evaluation of the type of “Company You Keep” and knowing how to handle and capitalize in and on good situations is an important part but not a defining aspect of building your self-esteem.

They Say Perspective is Reality

When I was working I had a boss that taught me this concept. He was extremely intelligent and knew how to build one’s self-esteem. I thank God everyday I had him as a boss. I worked for him ten years till I couldn’t work anymore because of my illness. He didn’t teach me this concept forthright; it was taught from how he handled situations with me. He had a rough road with me on days because of my illness and some days I would doubt my abilities because I knew I was declining but he didn’t seem to falter, of course everyone has their bad days – we would get into our little spats and disagreements too. I would definitely voice my opinion - not always right but I did it anyway and he seemed to listen. When I would bring-up subjects like: people stereotyping me, or feeling inferior towards others - he continually reassured me of my abilities and qualifications by reminding me of the confidence the scientist and doctors had in me for example: their questions they would ask me – they wouldn’t ask if they didn’t value my opinion and reassuring me I wouldn’t make the money I made if I wasn’t worthy. It was a very smart concept because it worked – believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself. I realize that some people are not as fortunate as I was: they get these bosses that degrade and insult, taking advantage of the weak little piggy - being the “Big Bad Wolf” and not being the “Real Leader” they need to be - helping people through a difficult situation because they believe they are superior when in essence they have a very “Low Emotional IQ.” Your boss isn’t the only one that may treat you inferior: friends and family members can treat you this way too. These types of influences in your life can destroy your self-esteem. Because perspective, even if it’s not ALWAYS reality…can become reality quickly – a direct result of how a person is treated!

Changing the Company You Keep - So Perspective Doesn’t Become Reality

After doing your own “Self Inventory” which is a subject I discussed in an older post as well: Making sure you’re in check – and on the right path to success, by possessing and building all the positive elements you need to get through a tough storm or situation and you know without a doubt it’s not you, then you must purge or cut the line with people who are blowing your self-esteem down. Now your approach on purging or cutting that line is your own particular solution, I don’t know how to tell you to do this…that’s a personal choice. Of course there are several approaches you could use: trimming, ignoring or just cutting it off totally etc...

Catching a Shooting Star

At the end of the day, you have to grab onto people that are getting the job done…it’s like catching a shooting star – you catch onto that star so that you can soar with them. Pay close attention to their reactions and how they handle situations and life – recognizing what you are doing wrong in comparison and how you can fix your problems so that you can become a “Shiny Star” too. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, even if it means putting your self-esteem on the line momentarily!

Don’t Leave Your Self-Esteem in the Mouth of “The Big, Bad Wolf”

It’s great to have people and friends build you up and help with your self-esteem but ultimately you’re responsible for defining who you are. You have to build up your own self-esteem so that no one can blow it down. Setting up and meeting goals on a daily basis is important in the realization of your achievements and worthiness. Start off by setting up small goals and then gradually raise the expectations as you consistently meet them. For example, and for me personally, it has been a problem because of my struggles with Behcets. I started this blog for my family and for myself; I make it one of my goals to write a post every week. Due to my illness, my handwriting has only become worse and it hurts to write, a hand written journal is not feasible for me, typing one post and posting my photography each week is a good goal for me to meet in helping me to keep my self-esteem while leaving a legacy for my family at the same time.

When my daughter, Brittnee, was a toddler one of my favorite primary stories I use to read to her all the time and explain the significant lesson to learn was the “Three Pigs and The Big, Bad Wolf.”

hello

All three of these pigs used a different approach on how they built their home, and of course the easiest way out never stands – The Big, Bad Wolf always comes around and blows it down. If we invest time and effort into whom we are; The Big Bad Wolf can come as often and blow as hard as he wants but you will still be standing!

Now Playing – Who’s Afraid of The Big, Bad Wolf

Now Playing - Bad Company – To My Friend...Don't You Know that you are a Shooting Star